This being a meandering collection of thoughts and ramblings, often drunken, in which the author attempts to codify his beliefs on himself and the world he vaguely inhabits. Kindly exhibit patience as you peruse these pages, for he is a simpleton.
Good morning! Well, the big day is finally here: Hallowe'en, All Hallow's Eve, a night for ghost and goblins and ghoulish revelers from all over the world to descend on our fine little hamlet of Salem, est. 1629. This has been a pretty crazy and crowded month, although I think the numbers are down a little bit from last year because of the economy. Still, Hallowe'en falling on a Friday will guarantee quite a lot of people downtown tonight. Hopefully the police can keep everyone moving and keep the ruckus to a minimum and we don't have any stabbings or shootings like the past 2 years. When I woke up I actually saw a story headline on Yahoo! about a Massachusetts town named Oxford actually postponing Hallowe'en and Trick or Treating until Saturday night because of traffic concerns. Well we have a ton of traffic concerns as well, but I can definitely say that the Salem City Council and mayor would have a riot on their hands if they tried to pull that stunt here. No Hallowe'en cancellations here.
I actually took today off so I could enjoy the madness in full. This should end up being a great weekend with Hallowe'en and the Biggest Outdoor Cocktail (oops, I said it Dr. Adams) Party in the World tomorrow. I do believe the Dawgs are fired up to smash Florida's face in.
After tonight, another long winter offseason of quiet and nothing happening. Most of the leaves are starting to fall (it was an exceptionally beautiful colourful fall this year) and most of the crowds will soon be joining them. After tomorrow, no more tourists, no more street performers, no more ferries and express trains to Boston, no more Thing #1s with full beards dancing down Hawthorne St. giving everyone high-fives, no more costumed bikers with demons hanging off the backs of bikes and bloody limbs hanging out of saddlebags, no more dumb picture-taking sessions of the Bunghole liquor store or the Nick-at-Nite statue, no more town criers or historical re-inactments, no more haunted houses except for the ones that are ACTUALLY haunted, no more carnies infesting the Common or the vacant lot on Derby, no more legions of tour buses parked in front of my house to let off seniors and schoolchildren to clog my neighborhood, no more bedraggled store owners and bartenders and waitresses, no more witches hats and robes -- or at least not quite so many. After tonight we'll close it up and shut it down to wait through the winter until next April. Au revoir dear readers....enjoy your revels tonight and if you should see Dorian Gray slinking by, be sure to tell me "hello."
I stopped at the Pig's Eye for a beer or two on my way home tonight and that pretty much evolved into a completely different experience than I was expecting. I sat down at the end of the inverted short end of the "L" bar, my typical seat, and ordered an IPA, perfectly set to listen to a few live Jethro Tull songs and drink a couple brewskis. The girl next to me started talking to me, a tourist from Virginia visiting friends. Name of Ricky. Perfectly feminine name I told her.
In the first 15 minutes I was there she told me she thought I was stuck-up, introverted, and that she had no intention of sleeping with me, but that she had no idea why I wouldn't talk to her. All without being asked mind you. I was offended (rightly) and left her to her girlfriends. A while later we started conversation again, as one Southerner to another. When I told her I was from the Atlanta area, she immediately responded, "But you're white!" I was immediately offended, which I think was a correct and good response. I took her to task for her insults and thought that was that.
But still, she kept at it and we started talking the night away. She came across as very insular and unexposed to anything outside of Richmond, Virginina, which she herself admitted. She was drinking wine (and seemed to have been for some time) and I was drinking PBRs. Before long she was resting her hand on my leg and getting close. Let me first mention that this girl was in fact 35. She wasn't hot by any means but she certainly wasn't unattractive and became more appealing as the night and the drinks progressed.
Eventually, after a bit of flirting (mostly by her) and such, she abandoned any conservative approach she had previously adopted and pretty much was all over me. She told me she hadn't been laid in more than a year due to a personal goal after a bad break-up. I commended her. She said that I didn't understand what she was going through. I assured her that I most certainly understood her plight and respected her position. She informed me that even though she thought I was too cynical and aloof, that I was hot and she wanted me to help her have a good vacation. If I remember correctly, she used phrases like "do things you've never imagined", "been waiting for a guy like you for months", and "12 or 13 hours."
My response was to politely beat around the bush and brush off this incredibly hard-to-brush-off attention. After all, in the past 6 months of match.com I've emailed roughly 50 girls and received emails from 2. I need all the attention I can get. I'm fucking drowning here. Eventually, she got the message and started a weird, philosophical, spiritual discussion about how I wasn't seizing my full potential and that I would be ready within 3 years to the day. I could tell she was extremely disappointed and unhappy with my nondecision. Gosh, if I could share with you the things she was saying to me. She started to unbutton my shirt right there in the bar!
Is there something wrong with me? Am I defective? How can a 26-year old loser whine so much about how he gets so little action or oppurtunity and then turn it away when it is sitting on the doorstep? Did I do the right thing? I mean, she was drunk, she was initially very insulting, and possibly very racist. She told me in no uncertain terms that she simply wanted me to fuck her, be completely emotionally unattached, and never see her again after tonight. That's like every male Homo sapiens dream right? I mean of all the Devens and Gabbys and nameless bar chicks I come across I always find a reason not to hook up with them. Am I being a good, moral, responsible person? Or am I simply just a huge pussy? I honestly don't know...all I know is that I am hating myself now and that I would have hated myself tomorrow morning if I had gone for it. It's all very hopeless and extremely despressing.
Morning After Update: Waking up this morning, my thought was that I was completely right. I'm only disappointed in myself for not getting up and walking out after she made that racist comment about Atlanta. That woman was drunk, ignorant, and vulgar. Not only did she at multiple points pick up my beer and start drinking out of my glass, but she even gave it to her 52-year old Gorgon of a friend to let her drink through her nose. And then she got offended when I refused to take my beer back. I'm thankful I came out of that experience with only the $30 bar tab she left me after she someone skeezed her party's drinks on my bill. I'm embarrassed I put up with her as long as I did. No more tourists. Moving on.
You know it's October in Salem when the tourists begin dictating the hours of operation to local business owners. I was sitting on a bench downtown eating some delicious frozen custard when three little girls and their father came strolling by. When I say "little" I'm referring to young in years, as these were three of the fattest children I have ever seen. They were decked out in costume (who isn't these days?) and felt witch and Mad Hatter hats and being incessant little whiny brats. They pass by the Salem Trolley HQ and gift shop and they must have seen something shiny in the window because they all rush the glass and press up against the door. The shopkeeper -- clearly in the middle of closing down for the night -- shouts thru the glass that clearly she is in the middle of closing down for the night. The obvious reaction for these pigs is to start banging on the door with both fists and yelling at the top of their lungs. Their father is either unwilling or incapable and doesn't do much to stop or reprimand them. The woman ends up opening the door to tell them to go away basically. Big mistake.
Two of the bloated shoats bum-rush the lady in mid-sentence and shove their way past into the store as she shakes her head and says to herself, "or you can come in," in a defeated and exasperated tone as she holds the door open for the remaining piglet and Dickless Dad. Watching this all unfold 10 yards away from me left me 10% amused and 90% appalled. I stuck around for another five minutes finishing my dessert without seeing them leave. As far as I know they are still there bugging the fuck out of that lady as of this writing. What a horrid world we live in to birth such horrid brutes. Maybe the Chinese have it right after all. Unfortunately, more of this type of behavior will probably be seen in the coming weeks ahead. Easily the best/worst month to be in Salem.
After tonight, another long winter offseason of quiet and nothing happening. Most of the leaves are starting to fall (it was an exceptionally beautiful colourful fall this year) and most of the crowds will soon be joining them. After tomorrow, no more tourists, no more street performers, no more ferries and express trains to Boston, no more Thing #1s with full beards dancing down Hawthorne St. giving everyone high-fives, no more costumed bikers with demons hanging off the backs of bikes and bloody limbs hanging out of saddlebags, no more dumb picture-taking sessions of the Bunghole liquor store or the Nick-at-Nite statue, no more town criers or historical re-inactments, no more haunted houses except for the ones that are ACTUALLY haunted, no more carnies infesting the Common or the vacant lot on Derby, no more legions of tour buses parked in front of my house to let off seniors and schoolchildren to clog my neighborhood, no more bedraggled store owners and bartenders and waitresses, no more witches hats and robes -- or at least not quite so many. After tonight we'll close it up and shut it down to wait through the winter until next April.
