Change of scenery?

I am so damn nervous right now. The last few days I have casually been putting around craigslist looking for a new place. The reason? I am sick to death of living in this dump of a house. Having to share a bathroom, enduring cackling hyena woman, the guy down the hall who smells like he hasn't showered since 1978, no heat to speak of...it's all just a little too much. But hopefully that's all about to change.

So I find what looks to be a pretty nice place in Salem. I really love Beverly and wasn't planning on moving to Salem, but this place is in a good location, includes all the utilities, and is a decent price. After checking out another apartment on the other side of Salem this morning, I decided to walk over and check out the street this place is on. Turns out it is right across the street from the fucking House of Seven Gables! I am all but decided that I'm taking this apartment; though a paltry two hundred years separate us, I could be neighbors with Nathaniel Hawthorne!

I came home straight away to email the landlady back; I would have sprinted over the Essex Bridge if the sidewalks weren't covered with ice and slush. I am so anxious about hearing back from this lady. My hands haven't stopped shaking, my stomach is in knots, and I am sick with worry that she won't get back to me or that I'll somehow lose out on this apartment. I really wish she had left her phone number in the ad. Wish me luck...

Making like Kevin McCallister

I am not having a good run when it comes to the holidays. After not making a flight to Minnesota today, I'm spending Christmas Eve in my room with only Al K. Hall for company. And he's not very good at cheering me up. Thanksgiving was a disaster; I got completely soused, lost my keys, gashed my face open, and spent the whole night outside in the freezing rain. And last year I spent my Christmas Eve with society's best and brightest in the wonderful environs of the Athens-Clarke County jail. With that said I've got a few quick shout-outs for this Christmas:

• The Denver blizzard for doing such a bang-up job of turning a normally hectic traveling season into an absolute clusterfuck and creating an endless backlog of missed flights and stranded passengers.
• The bartender at the airport Hilton, where I spent much of last night, for keeping the Sam Adams' Winter Lagers coming.
• Boston's Logan airport. If I ever again must spend a miserable, sleepless night on a cold tile floor waiting for an early-morning flight I hope it's here.
• The woman directly in front of me on the standby list for the first flight to Atlanta for jettisoning her kids and preventing me from claiming the last remaining seat on the airplane.
• My dumbass for listing on the connecting flight to Atlanta when I really meant to go to Cincy.
• Jesus.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Hot actress power rankings

STEP INTO MY TRAILER MS. _
Just a quick explanation here. I like lists and ranking systems. I hate them for the waste of time that they are, but I always seem to get sucked into the VH1 'Top 100 _' shows. I know the American Film Institute's Top 100 films of the 20th century by heart. And come football season I'm always eager to see how the BCS and NFL power rankings are gonna shape up week to week. I also love gorgeous, talented actresses. Ever since my first Hollywood crushes Christina Ricci (Addams Family) and Kirsten Dunst (Interview with the Vampire) I have always had certain actresses that I have found terribly fetching and whose work I like to follow. So that's basically the germ of this little project; daydreaming about when I become a big-time Hollywood director and the lovely ladies that I would love to work with and/or be romantically involved with. Enjoy, and if you think me pathetic, please remember that I haven't had a date in about a year.

*The parentheticals are career highlights that are personal favorites of mine. I also put up the original list that I referred to when putting together this one. It's in February 2006.

Others receiving votes: Jennifer Connelly, Ziyi Zhang, Elizabeth Banks

15) Naomi Watts (King Kong) [NR]

14) Uma Thurman (Kill Bill) [-6]

13) Kate Beckinsale (Underworld) [-8]

12) Selma Hayek (Desperado) [NR]

11) Natalie Portman (Léon the Professional) [-4]

10) Keira Knightley (Love Actually) [-6]

9) Rachel Weisz (The Mummy Returns) [NR]

8) Anne Hathaway (The Devil Wears Prada) [NR]

7) Katherine Heigl (Bride of Chucky) [NR]

6) Scarlett Johannson (Lost in Translation) [-]

5) Rosario Dawson (25th Hour) [NR]

4) Charlize Theron (Monster) [-1]

3) Jessica Alba (Sin City) [-1]

2) Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace) [-1]

1) Eva Green (Casino Royale) [NR]

What the hell happened to Christianity?

I was surfing around on CNN last week and this article by Jay Bakker caught my eye. If you don't know, he is the son of the infamous 80's televangelists Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. He now has his own ministry that he runs out of a bar and has a reality show as well. I actually met him in high school when he came and talked to a bunch of kids before classes (I think it was a FCA meeting). After growing up in ultra-conservative Georgia with tons of Southern Baptists running around, I tend to throw all of Protestantism under the bus because of a few nutjobs out there. So it's nice to see people like Jay show me that I shouldn't be too quick to judge either and to be careful with that brush I'm holding. People nowadays associate Christianity with a lot of things, good and bad, but I think tolerance and openness should come into renewed focus once again. I thought I would go ahead and publish the article in its entirety on this site because he has some nice sentiments which also reflect a lot of my own views. Or if you want, check out the original CNN article here.

By Jay Bakker and Marc Brown

What the hell happened? Where did we go wrong? How was Christianity co-opted by a political party? Why are Christians supporting laws that force others to live by their standards? The answers to these questions are integral to the survival of Christianity.

While the current state of Christianity might seem normal and business-as-usual to some, most see through the judgment and hypocrisy that has permeated the church for so long. People witness this and say to themselves, "Why would I want to be a part of that?" They are turned off by Christians and eventually, to Christianity altogether. We can't even count the number of times someone has given us a weird stare or completely brushed us off when they discover we work for a church.

So when did the focus of Christianity shift from the unconditional love and acceptance preached by Christ to the hate and condemnation spewed forth by certain groups today? Some say it was during the rise of Conservative Christianity in the early 1980s with political action groups like the Moral Majority. Others say it goes way back to the 300s, when Rome's Christian Emperor Constantine initiated a set of laws limiting the rights of Roman non-Christians. Regardless of the origin, one thing is crystal clear: It's not what Jesus stood for.

His parables and lessons were focused on love and forgiveness, a message of "come as you are, not as you should be." The bulk of his time was spent preaching about helping the poor and those who are unable to help themselves. At the very least, Christians should be counted on to lend a helping hand to the poor and others in need.

This brings us to the big issues of American Christianity: Abortion and gay marriage. These two highly debatable topics will not be going away anytime soon. Obviously, the discussion centers around whether they are right or wrong, but is the screaming really necessary? After years of witnessing the dark side of religion, Marc and I think not.

Christians should be able to look past their differences and agree to disagree. This allows people to discuss issues with respect for one another. Christians are called to love others just as they are, without an agenda. Only then will Christianity see a return to its roots: Loving God with all of your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself.

The Apostle Paul describes this idea of love beautifully in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

But don't take our word for it; look at what Jesus and his followers stood for in his time and what Christianity stands for today. Then come to your own conclusion.

Braving the elements

WINTER OF DISCONTENT? HELL NO, BRING IT ON!
Well, after weeks of anxious waiting by me, winter has at long last appeared in New England. Last Monday morning it snowed a bit, but it had mostly turned to slush by the time I got out of the shower and left to go to work. However, the weather did take a noticeable turn with temperatures dipping down into and below the twenties. All very fine by me. Prior to last week, it was constantly hovering around 50 degrees and the sky was filled with nothing but a dreary, grey rain. I'd much prefer it to be below freezing and snowing.

According to an online poll on the Weather Channel's website, 58.5% of the American populace prefer to swelter in extreme summer heat than endure frigid winter cold. Count me in the minority for that one. My philosophy is that if you're cold you can always throw a sweater on; if it's 95 degrees out and the AC is broken then you're fucked. Ten out of ten times, I'd rather be lost in the Yukon with a book of matches than stuck in the Sahara with a Dasani. But since moving to New England, all anyone and everyone can tell me is how a Georgia boy like me is going to hate the winters here.

I like the winter. Maybe I read too many stories about the Malemute Kid in my youth and formed some kind of Romantic, idyllic connection between them and the cold, white North, but I have such a respectful, fascination with the freezing, frost-gloved grip of Winter. I like the cold. I like the wind whipping up in my face, setting my cheekbones and the tips of my ears on fire. I like the snowflakes that clump on my jacket and stick in my eyelashes. I love the smell of woodsmoke and the taste of the cold air as I breathe it into my lungs. I like the numbness and the sensation of my heart beating to keep my limbs supplied with hot blood. I like the feeling of life fighting against the bitter chill that seeps in your bones, threatening to still every living molecule in your body.

But most of all, I like coming home and in out of the cold: that rush of relief as you throw off wet scarf, gloves, and coat and sit in front of the fire or the heat register, hot chocolate in hand. That is a damn good feeling.

WATERLOGGED
For some odd reason, I have been fixed on the idea of drowning lately. I have had nightmares about it happening to me and I've become terrified at the prospect of being lost at sea after a trans-Atlantic plane crash. The funny thing is that I'm planning no ocean voyages or overseas trips anytime soon, so I'm not anxious about anything like that. I suspect it may have something to do with watching 'Casino Royale', as the ending was a little intense and I almost had to forcibly check my gag reflex. I suppose it doesn't help much either that I am currently reading a book about an Indian boy lost at sea for over 6 months.

Not just science fiction but science fraud

THERE IS NO EXIT STRATEGY FOR PLANET EARTH
I don't want to go on some long diatribe here, but lately there has been a lot of news bouncing about concerning matters that I take a lot of issue with. That something would be the prospect of galaxy-spanning space travel and space colonization. Every few years it seems some moron passing himself off as a reasonable man of science or public figure decides it would be a great idea to invest a helluva lot of money towards some pointless goal like moon settlement (no really, there's water there, we just can't see it!) or manned Mars exploration (thank you President Bush for adding another seemingly unattainable task to America's policy queue). My response is to immediately ignore these folks and go about my day.

Now as a kid, I grew up living and thriving on science fiction. I read Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, and the eternally great Isaac Asimov. When I was very small (one of my first memories, in fact) I traveled to Houston, Texas to meet my grandmother's cousin, who was a legendary Apollo astronaut. He had been into space for one mission and had served in mission control for many of our country's most prestigious moon missions, including that ill-fated and immortal Apollo 13 mission. As I have come to understand it, he was a big reason our boys got home safely. He was also scheduled to go up again in the 90's and be the oldest man to go in space. Unfortunately, he had a burning desire to climb Mount Everest. He died and is buried there and Sen. John Glenn took his place. I went to Space Camp as a kid, both in Huntsville and at Cape Canaveral. I was a kid who wanted to be an astronaut, who wanted to discover vast and far away galaxies and set my boots on new planets, claiming them for America and the human race. All I'm trying to say is that more than a lot of people, I have a stake in this space travel fantasy and desire.

So imagine my disappointment as I grew up and learned about astronomy and physics and all those other scientific fields that demand a high understanding of complex mathematics. I found out that any sort of meaningful long-range manned space travel was essentially impossible. You can't travel the speed of light, there is no hyperspace, no magical warp space or wormholes prepared to deliver you to the other side of the universe or even the Milky Way at a whim. It was all just a pipe dream, something you might write about in a story or daydream about, but nothing real or tangible that I could hope for in my lifetime or even in a thousand generations of lifetimes. I got over it, I moved on.

So it's a bit comical now seeing NASA calling for a moonbase and planning to visit Mars to finally determine once and for all that there is nothing there except red dust and a toxic atmosphere. It's also sad that the American public is going to spend good money on this project when it could be used for a better purpose.

But imagine my surprise when I read that Stephen Hawking himself thinks it necessary that human beings expand beyond our solar system and colonize new planets in order to survive. Usually this kind of scientific speculation is left to nutjobs and the fatally idealistic. Granted, Hawking is a genius and arguably the most respected physicist on the planet, but this just smacks of irresponsibility to me. Perhaps these complex theories and propulsion systems are remotely possible, but we are certainly millenia, if not hundreds of thousands of years, away from any sort of real breakthrough on this front. And just the fact that he referenced 'Star Trek' makes the whole notion seem that much more in the realm of romantic hope and fantasy. Uneducated and delusional people around the globe are going to continue to latch onto these far-fetched ideas and hope to run away from Earth's problems, rather than use those resources and that knowledge to tackle them.

My circadian rhythms are bumpin'

MASSACHUSETTAN...MASSACHUSETTER...MASSACHUSETTITE?
In case you've been AWOL for the past few months -- oh wait, no that was me -- and out of the loop, I have a new state. I am now a resident of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, a Bay Stater. At least that's what the quickly disappearing numbers on my paycheck say. And Boston sports fans aside, I have been pretty pleased with my new environs.

Everything here is old. Whether in Boston or here on the North Shore, there is a vibrant living history about the place. It helps to have Salem right down the street, where the centuries-old houses feature plates that name the carpenter and original occupant. Built in 1794 by Ebeneezer So-and-so for Captain Proctor and his Wyfe. It would not surprise me in the least if I were to meet Hester Prynn or Ishmael meandering down the cobbled backstreets or out by Pickering Wharf. I can stand on Essex Bridge, spanning the waters between Salem and Beverly, and look out past the harbor and to the sea, imagining what it would be like to be some ancient Narragansett standing among the eaves of green, virgin forest and seeing European masts on the horizon for the first time.

I have to also say that Beverly has a most excellent cemetary. Strange as it may be, I love cemetaries. I spent late Saturday afternoon walking along the rows of marble headstones and moss-grown crypts quietly musing to myself. Perhaps it's a bit dark, but it is magical to be a living, breathing person and surrounded by the houses of the dead, briefly touching the stones and imagining who these people were, what their histories are. I hiked to the top of the high hill at the east end to admire the large W_ family mauseleum that squatted there amongst perfectly eldritch trees, drinking in the atmosphere the entire time and loving it. I left with dusk giving way to night, daring the dark to come but equally wishing not to get caught locked in, inventing morbid little vampire stories the whole way out.

MY, BUT AREN'T YOU A PLEASANT PSYCHOPATH?
I get to visit with the psychiatrist and have a nice long chat about my brain-fever and melancholy in a couple of weeks. I must say that I am thrilled. I get to find out what exactly my problem is and possibly be diagnosed as clinically depressed, bi-polar, manic-depressive, or simply just "certifiable." Are you dripping with anxiety? I sure am.

GOOD GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY CHILDHOOD!?
I'm sure that there are people who will be beating down the cinema doors to see this crap and next year's 'Transformers', but I honestly don't know why. Eighties cartoons do not good films make. My childhood was great, but it is just that, my childhood. I am now in adulthood, or some quasi-changeling state in between the two. I have good memories of 'He-Man' and 'G.I. Joe' but other than the odd 'Family Guy' reference I'm not all that interested in revisting them. Half of the cartoons are just so bad they are unbearable to watch anyway (Thundercats, anyone?). Not too mention that Hollywood has plans in the works for a new Pee-Wee Herman movie, a 'Fraggle Rock' movie that is set in the 'real world', and a 'Dark Crystal' sequel. Count me out...unless they decide to tackle an R-rated Teddy Ruxpin flick. I can see it now -- Teddy Ruxpin & Grubby Meet the Glowworms!