It's late, I just drank a bottle of champagne, and what the fuck am I doing?

Why is the beginning always so hard for me to write? It seems that everything I write or do, it's so damn difficult to get past Act One. It would seem for most people it is the finishing that is so hard. For me? Complete opposite. I never seem to like how I start so I hit reset and begin again. Trouble is I'm never satisfied. It's just simple exposition: introduce some characters, add a little backstory, set up time and space and just go. It's like that old Greek story of the wicked king hanging out in Tartarus condemned to roll his boulder up his hill. He gets half of the way up before he starts having problems; at least he can get the ball rolling. Why can't I just go and see what happens. I'll give it a shot.

The protagonist is this story is me. The Dunce Cap Marvel. I'm 23 but act both 16 and 43 in equal parts. I either worry too much about the past or the future and totally disregard much of what is happening in the present. I'm a student at the University of Georgia. Or, rather I act like Chris Farley acting like a student. I don't think anyone would mistake me for Stephen Hawking, and not just because I lack a seriously disabling disease that leaves me confined to a chair. I don't really have a very bright and sunny disposition. In fact, I'm rather dark and brooding. Some of that comes from the clinical depression I suffer from and the rest from my wanting to be Lord Byron. I always say I should have been born a 19th century Romantic. My heroes are literary giants: Poe, London, Hemingway. If only I could write and drink and die as they did.

Life sucks sometimes; most times really. I wouldn't have it any other way though. Yeah, I'm a little masochistic but it really does make the great times truly GREAT. Why would anyone care that the sun was shining if there weren't thunderstorms? As lada loves to tell me, life is beautiful. And it is. I live in a world that has many simple beauties. Trees. Mountains. Oceans. I've been in love twice in my life. A lot of people can't say that. I have a great family and wonderful friends. There is a lot of promise and hope and love in my life. It evens out the sorrow, loneliness, and pain.

Life is a two-sided coin. My favorite movie is 'Return of the Jedi'. That's because of Darth Vader. His character embodies humanity. The good and the bad, the joy and the pain, the light and the dark side. Hopelessly entangled. And the best part of the movie? He redeems himself and comes out of it a pretty good guy who by the way saves the galaxy. Every person's goal everyday should be to redeem his or herself. I truly believe that. That's just a little window into me. You know, it's not that hard going after you get started.

ps. And one more thing: I'm a sucker for dog stories. I cry everytime.